2014, going on 2015

I’m thankful for a great year. Thankful for supportive family, great friends, and understanding bosses and colleagues.

2014 has been eventful, busy and challenging. It has been a year of many lessons. I learned how to balance work and family, how to become a better manager at work, and last but not least, juggle two kids as a new mother of two. Rewarding, but tough, to say the least.

From a mothering perspective, I picked up where I left off for all things baby, and did the right thing in getting a 24/7 help during the confinement period. I rested better than the first. I took charge of caring for the baby (with family support of course) right from the start and as a result, was able to exclusively breastfeed Kaira from September. However, I suspect this would change when I return to work in Jan.

These past few months off have also enabled me to step back, take as much time as I want to think carefully of what I want to do, where and how I envision myself to be the person I want to be when I head back to the workforce. One thing for sure, I am firing up to be someone different, someone better. I would like to believe that new mothers are not subtly discriminated at work, and that they can be just as competent, productive, and efficient at work. We just need a supportive working and familial environment to make that happen. We should be given equal opportunities (if we are good), and then leave it up to us to make choices for ourselves. Next year, I hope to be a living example for many working mothers out there. I know there are more intricacies, but I choose to believe in this mantra knowing this is the best for my family in the longer run. And this mantra is that career and family can marry together. We just need (and have) to be smart with things and make smarter decisions.

My kids – where do I start with them? They are the best things that have happened in my life, my two daughters. And I am willing to give the best for them. Since she attended school in March, Tara has taken the interest to speak. And when I say speak, I mean talk. Non stop. Like a chatterbox. She’s an inquisitive girl who asks alot of questions about everything under the sun, and never fails to amaze me with new words and sentences every day. At 2.5 years old, Tara is clearly a conversationalist, someone who also has a strong mind of her own. She loves green, and prefers Thomas the Tank Engine to Minnie Mouse.

Kaira, oh my baby Kaira. She is turning six months next month, and is taking after a lot of her big sister’s traits – very sociable and also very grumpy. But she’s generally a very happy baby and I will definitely miss caring and being around her when I start work. I am looking forward to the day she starts on solids, and when her sister can start playing together proper. Kaira, I just want to say that I am so lucky to be your mother. I must have done something right to deserve you, my beautiful baby. I can feel that my breastfeeding journey will come to a premature end, but now, at this point, I cherish the moments I have you in my arms and being able to give and provide you with the sweetest and yummiest food that make you plunge into food coma every single meal.

Lastly, for me and Romil, 2015 is serious business. Both at the work and personal department. We need to focus a little more on ourselves. We need to be healthy for ourselves and our kids. We need to make smart diet choices and make a point to exercise and lose weight. We need to look good for each other and ourselves. We have been great parents (I think) but need to be better partners for each other. And we will do it together.

Bring it on now, 2015!

Birth 2.0

Kaira is two weeks old today.

It still seems rather surreal that the little baby is already in my arms, growing fast and beautifully each day. She was delivered three weeks early at 37 weeks and 2 days, just two days after I wrapped up work at the office, leaving us completely unprepared (I was planning to get everything done in the next two weeks). In fact, nothing much was prepared (except for some new clothes and Tara’s hand-me-downs) – not the hospital bag, and certainly not the nursery.

For some strange reason, I was very confident that I was going to deliver early this round (just didn’t anticipate to be SO early). On Tuesday that week, I mentioned to Dr Lai that my pelvic pain was getting unbearable and I felt that my cervix had thinned. He checked and told me that my cervix was 4cm dilated but should still expect a national day baby.

So all these while when my contractions started on Sat in the wee morning, I was confident that it was Braxton Hicks. At that point, pain was bearable and came and left quickly though I wasn’t able to sleep well. The sensation persisted through Sun morning when I headed out for facial and then became more regular and painful while I was having lunch with my family.

By 4pm, I told romil that I could be in labour. We both were still unsure then, as we were marking Dr Lai’s words, but did a quick check online to distinguish true labour versus Braxton Hicks. It was 50-50, but I made the call to reach out to Dr Lai as the contractions were around 10-12 minutes apart. I documented my experience to him, and he immediately asked me to check into the hospital. The hubs sprang out of bed in panic mode and my family members scrambled to pack my hospital bag while I threw on my trusty track pants (the same pair I wore when I checked into Thomson two years ago) and prepared myself (mentally, physically, emotionally and everything else in between) for Birth 2.0.

I continued to time the contractions during the journey in the car, and by the time we reached Thomson, they were already 4-5 minutes apart. I was swept into the labour room immediately to change and undergo the usual checks and tests. I was also given enema to cleanse my body. It was about 6pm when i was admitted. To not let history repeat itself (meaning 26 hours of labour), I opted to have oxytocin to speed up my labour.

So between 7pm to 11pm, I was in hard labour. The pain was just as excruciating as the last, only I was mentally prepared for the level of intensity with the support of the laughing gas. Every wave of contraction was timely met with 20 heavy breathings and blows into the laughing gas before the pain slowly ebbed away (and then the cycle continued for four hours every 1-2 minutes). I was more awake than the first labour, but still felt weak. So, for the very first time and I hope the last, I peed on a bed pan and had the nurses clean me up. And I had no idea why the nurse felt the necessity to inform me that I peed a lot (300ml to be exact).

But that was the least of my concern then. What was disturbing was the fact that one nurse had two of her fingers (I think it was two) inserted into me to prevent my vagina from tearing as the baby’s head was inching out when I was only 7cm dilated. At the same time, she was trying to speed things up by yanking her fingers down, attempting to expand it to 8, 9, and then 10cm. I honestly did not appreciate that fingering, not only because it was intrusive but it was extremely uncomfortable and painful going against the contractions. The feeling was like someone trying to push back the shit that’s already at your doorstep.

Anyway, it didn’t take long for the cervix to open fully, and as always, Dr Lai will miraculously turn up at your side when your body is ready. Legs up, open thighs, arched back, it was time to push. I was relieved to reach that stage but didn’t recall the birthing process being so painful. I pushed and screamed hard, clutching Romil’s hand and visualizing the baby moving down the birth canal. The labour room was loud and noisy from the encouragement and cheer of the team, only peppered by short moments of silence in anticipation for the subsequent wave of contractions. I drank sips of water in between, with the nurses taking turns to freshen up my face to get me ready to push again.

Several pushes later, I finally delivered Kaira at 11:06pm on Sun. My first impression of her was that she was small, very small, and lanky. She looked so delicate to carry at 3.040kg (far off from her sister at 3.525kg) but nevertheless, a very beautiful and cherubic baby. Post delivery; I felt weak with my whole body shivering. I was unable to speak and was semi conked out while Dr Lai was getting the placenta out and sewing up my tear. I was also very hungry.

One hour later, I was wheeled into the ward, mighty pleased to see Tara, my aunt, my sis. And most of all, I was happy to see my long-awaited tuna sandwich.

As expected, my stay at Thomson was super. Great service, awesome food, lovely company. A special shoutout to all nurses of Whitley suite (room 603) who took care and concern of me and Kaira during my stay from 20-22 July 🙂

If I ever choose to have one more kid in the future, and #justsaying IF (all things considered), I will be back at Thomson. The birth experience will never ever be easy, but it can be smooth sailing and made bearable with the support of a great gynae and a team of supportive nurses.

My 2013

Making use of the last hour of 2013 to recap highlights of the year.

Definitely a special year on its own as romil and I witnessed the milestones of Tara – growing from being a little 4 mo baby to a blossoming little 16 mo toddler. Her vocabulary is expanding every single day and her curiosity and eagerness to learn continue to awe us. On the social front, she undoubtedly takes after her father – friendly, forthcoming to every single kid and adult who come her way. We are such proud parents. We can’t wait for her to attend school and be a smart little girl; we know she’s totally ready for it.

Work has been kind to me. I have completed a full year upon returning from maternity. The pace has not slowed down for sure, so I am immensely thankful for supportive colleagues and bosses, and that I have been able to leave work on time on most days, and only pick up work in the night when absolutely needed.

As for me and myself, I am satisfied and contented with life. I do occasionally yearn for alone time or time with friends, since this department has been severely compromised (I’m not complaining) this year. But I’m not complaining. I just felt that moments like these would have been a great recharge from time to time and ease the internal struggle that I have as a new parent versus a 28 yo-still-pretty-young-adult-with-a-wicked-lifestyle-ahead.

2014.

I hope to be an even better parent to Tara, because she simply deserves the world.

I hope to manage my family well while still being able to maintain a career. That includes dropping Tara to school and fetching her back after work.

I hope to find more time for myself, eat better and exercise regularly for health’s sake. Pick up a sport, if possible – or if not, swim.

I hope to be inspired by somebody so that i can improve as a person, be it from a family, individual, parent, or work perspective. I am losing some steam and want to be motivated again.

Goodbye 2013. 2014, be nice.

2 months on…

Updating this blog on sporadic intervals is the best I can do now.

Fast forward from the last post – well, we’ve moved in for two months now and loving it. The new place is spacious and cosy, and gives a very good vibe. Good green(scenery) on the fourth floor and our Scandinavian theme with wood blends in very well with the surroundings.

Tara turned 10mo last week and I can’t wait to get started in planning her 1yo birthday. She’s such a darling and a happy baby.

I’m on Instagram if you’d like to get frequent updates on me 🙂

My family :)

Love this picture completely. I was kissed by an angel 🙂